We both didn’t grow up with many positive examples of a loving family but we did grow up in broken homes. We were not taught how to be loving, devoted women to our mates which makes us handicapped in our relating ships with our men. Nothing is easy and we will most of the time have to be the softer one in the relating ship. It is tough and I’m learning too. It isn’t easy. It will be something we both will have to learn as well as our mates on the ship. On the ship it will be smooth days, rough days, gloomy days and sunny days. Do u jump ship while there is a storm brewing? If you do,how would you know how to make it through the next storm? At what point do you decide to get off this ship? Storms will always come but they don’t last forever. Remember that. Thank God for Girlfriends, Mommas and Aunties. Through this Womanhood we will find support, courage and love to help us see sunny days. Me and a close girlfriend of mine were discussing relationships and I came to the realization that we were not given the proper tools to succeed in a relationship. 

This conversation opened me up to the truth that there are a lot of broken adults walking around trying to relate but simply can not because they aren’t willing to be open and honest. These same people are giving birth to children which just continues the cycle on and on. It will continue until that One decides they will do things different than previous generations. Are you that One?

  

Momma never said being in a relating ship would be easy. Actually Momma never talked about it at all. I received all my dreamy ideas of relating ships and being in love from Television. What a croc of shit!!! All them years of watching and not realizing that it was not true. Not everyone gets married before kids. Everyone does not have children. Not everyone marries their high school sweet heart. Sometimes it takes time before you move in that house and it isn’t always surrounded by a white picket fence. Oh yeah that perfect job, perfect friends and perfect life DOES NOT EXIST. There is no such thing. Momma didn’t talk about Sex. She didn’t tell me that some boys just wanted PUSSY. Mom showed me how to be a mini version of her. Please be mindful when you call your child a mini me because words hold power and the truth is you want your child to be better than you. I had to learn on my own by trial and error; the hard way. Many years, many heart breaks, many tears, many late night calls, many bootycalls which lead many of us women to become “Miss Independent.” When I was a teenager there was no Social Media. Something that I feel cripples the generation of today because the negativity out there outweighs the positivity. People are out in cyber world doing outlandish things to get likes, follows and shares. Basically selling their soul for a quick boost to the ego and at the same time promoting destructive behavior. Creating a false identity where no one has to know the truth. Lying about anything from being pregnant to being diagnosed with a disease all for attention. It’s a sad time when people can’t be honest with who they are and what they need. One thing that boogles my mind is this “Miss Independent” title given to women.  

Miss independent walking around here shaking her ass, swinging her Louis bag. Devouring men as one would do an appetizer on an empty stomach. There is no shame on how she is living. Miss independent decided that she wouldn’t be the one to be hurt. Walking around guarded with a shield of protection over her heart. What kind of living is that? Wearing the title “Miss Independent” as a badge of honor. The title should be “Miss Lonely”.  You know who she is. You seen her at the parties trying to hide among a group of her friends. Despite her efforts to hide and blend in the pack. One conversation with her is enough to turn a man off that is looking for a future unless he is looking for a future of simply sex. What separates her from the rest of the women is this idea that she doesn’t need a man and she is fine by herself. She is successful and made it to this point on her own merit. She looks good on the outside like she has got it together but that is just a shell. Deep within is a little girl suffering from some pain that she experienced as a child. Never really healing and loving herself. She used her success as a distraction. She climbed that ladder of success by over compensating in her career. Oh she has baggage too her baggage is just in a nice Gucci suitcase you know the one without the wheels which is hard to carry. This idea needs to die. There is no way that you can live this life without companionship, pets don’t count. We come here to experience, to build and bond all with the energy of love as the driving force. At times in your life there will be moments that you will be alone to handle or process what your dealing with at the moment. There is a difference between alone and lonely. Miss Independent is lonely. Sitting in her condo filled with the latest whatever and still lonely. Attending events looking fabolous but her life is a drag. A lot of women think this is  cute but it’s not cute when you are unhappy and depressed. 

                  

There will be heart breaks and let downs but don’t allow it to turn you cold and bitter. Get in tune with yourself, love yourself and that will help you heal. You have this life right now to live so why not live it up. You don’t need to be independent in a way that you believe you don’t need anyone. There is a reason there are other people on this planet. Being successful is not the issue but maintaining a balance in life is necessary for a fulfilling life. Don’t give up on YOU. 

Where does this independent woman mentality come from?
Do you know any “Miss independent”?

Have you been “Miss Independent”?  How did rid yourself of the title?

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By Julz Wordsmith