I have about three unfinished posts sitting in my queue right now that I haven’t been able to finish. My mind has been heavy and my heart has been paper thin. Could it be Writers block???

There is some blockage that I’m currently dealing with. I’m trying to get a grip on my current life and some days I’m good and some days I’m not. Some days I really dread looking at the truth of where I am at right now. The moment I start thinking of the Truth I become angry. My heart starts pounding and I can’t breath. I feel like pounding something. I feel like screaming. I feel like crying but most times I tell myself to relax and to just breath. “You can’t get caught up with emotions right now” I tell myself. Shortly after I go and put it in a box on the shelf. I’m happy most days but somedays I feel like the hulk. 

Emotions are a very strong thing that can send one over the edge. When these emotions come flooding in I just ride the wave until I’m calm again. Emotions can make a woman kill a man because he got someone else pregnant at the same time she was. Emotions can send a man into a fiery rage to kill his wife and lover as he walks in their bedroom seeing them have sex. Emotions can cause someone with road rage to drive another car off the road. Emotions can cause a woman unfulfilled at home to go seek what she is missing. An adult child to be spiteful to their parent because the parent never raised them.

Oftentimes I say to myself “I shouldn’t have to be dealing with what I am dealing with”. I know that nothing is perfect but why can’t things be different or just better. It is crazy to walk around expecting people to change, hoping for the better. Sitting here killing time. I keep questioning why I am here dealing with this. They don’t know better otherwise they would do better. What am I getting out of this relationship? Stress, drama, headache and lies. Positivity comes in spurts dealing with these individuals. How draining it is to have a relationship with someone always unhappy, always lying, always trying to control, manipulate and always blaming you for their problems. They are called Emotional vampires. They have the ability to suck the life out of every situation. They constantly make things about them. They make you mentally exhausted and you start to question yourself. I know I have been questioning myself and feeling powerless because some of the lack of support emotional vampires provide.

Come take a look in my mind and it’s like a mind field. I’m not saying I’m a space cadet I’m just saying I have a few things I’m not dealing with yet. Things that trouble me. Things that I have nightmares about where I’m killing the situation, I’m walking away from the situation. I am at the point where I’m re-evaluating those in my space.

In life I realized there will be people that will not understand you. They will think I know her/him but then have it all wrong. They will take your love for granted and they will push you to the limit to prove your love for them is real. Though those limits will be reached and you pushed to the limit they will never understand what it was that you had for them until you are no longer in their space. Yes, The power of emotions. 

I wish I could erase those people away or erase their bad habits away. It’s such a struggle to express what I’m dealing with without sounding like a victim, without putting all of me out there, without being specific to point fingers at who has been stressing me out or who is the so so very unhappy soul in my current space.

With trying to write in a way so that those reading this do not take offense and question “Is she talking about me?” I’m very careful and aware of the Audience reading this. I should not care as this is MY BLOG but I don’t want to offend anyone. But these are my thoughts and I’m sticking to them. So forgive me if I’m all over the place. I’m trying to be as clear as I can presently. Beware of those Emotional Vampires because their coming for your blood.  

By Julz Wordsmith